'Snog Marry Avoid?' – honourable battle or shameful attack?

If as a student you’ve managed to avoid the iPlayer allure of Snog Marry Avoid?, I’m impressed. I for one have found myself rather embarrassingly hooked on this self-proclaimed ‘make-under’ show. The premise is a “war on fakery” where a peculiar machine-hologram entity called P.O.D. (that’s ‘Personal Overhaul Device’ – and no, I am not making this up) takes on girls (and occasionally boys) who get their fashion and make-up tips from Jodie Marsh and Jordan, and gives them a new more natural look, trying to convince them to opt for this appearance in the future.

Now, I come from the ‘less is more’ school of make-up, and revealing clothes aren’t exactly part of my daily get-up. So the real joy I experience watching this shallow display is seeing these hags have their delusions dashed (“what? No one wants to snog me?!”) and their theories of ‘the more fake you are the better you look’ disproved time and time again. One need not look further than the series three premiere take-down of ‘Chloe Mafia’ (ugh) clad in a Burberry-patterned bikini, black tutu and a ‘BAD GIRL’ tramp stamp (worryingly, she has brought a daughter into this world) to feel a sense of my satisfaction.

Yet, at the same time, I walk away from this show feeling dirty. I don’t like the person it turns me into. I become more judgemental than I ever am otherwise, inwardly proclaiming girl after girl as being desperate, hideous and dim (Take Me Out also has this effect on me – seriously, are TV broadcasters trying to destroy our souls?).

I found myself challenged when tattoo-clad fork-tongued teacher Debbie was brought in, who was also labelled as yet another ‘fake’, but somehow this didn’t sit right with me. Sure, her double tongue and heart-shaped mini silicone implants in her chest and left temple made me just a tad queasy, but being a loyal viewer of Miami Ink (a show about tattoo artists in Miami) and generally someone who appreciates that form of art, I couldn’t help but feel insulted on her behalf. This woman was more real than most of us, because she exposed her true self with pride to the world. Not to mention, her tattoos were stunningly drawn and eye-catchingly colourful.

Which got me thinking – maybe that’s what all those girls feel. Their expressions of their inner selves just happen to be fake-tanned, hair-extensioned and scantily-clad. And who are we to judge? If anything, they’re being as ‘real’ as anybody. At the end of the day, a lot of them are devoted mothers, girlfriends and friends who have the right intentions, but maybe sometimes need a little guidance.

To the show’s credit, I’m glad it proves to these girls that there’s another way you can dress up to avoid so much judgement this world is inevitably filled with, and maybe boost their self-esteem a little. But if you’re looking for a non-judgemental celebration of humanity’s diversity, I suggest Miami Ink.

Snog Marry Avoid? is currently available on iPlayer

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