What makes us fall in love? Can science truly explain it?
Scott Macfadyen gives his take on Valentine's Day...
When people think of university life, the general consensus is that it involves a lot of academia, alongside personal growth and learning life skills. Another aspect many people also regard as integral to university is a sex life; exploring horizons, experimenting and experiences more vibrant than ever. However for me, university seems to have had a horrifically adverse affect to said sex life, or lack thereof.
In Fresher’s week I fooled around a bit, got a few cheeky kisses and maybe even a bit of rough and tumble. In the following weeks I went a bit further with a very small amount people and had quite a good time. Bar that my sexual encounters have been few and far between, and those that I have had, have been very simple. No experimenting, no threesomes, nothing kinky - just drunken (and bad) sex, avoiding an embarrassing, and lonesome taxi journey home.
So I ask myself, where is all the excitement? Where is the rugby player who wants to experiment? Where is the threesome with the random people at a party when you’re stoned and tipsy?
Wherever it is, I can’t seem to find it in York!
This term I came back after a fulfilling Christmas after being acquainted with a guy also on his university holiday who, for all intense purposes, became my 3-week sex buddy. Since though, he has only visited me once to alleviate my frustrations. Other than that (and my Valentine's palaver in a previous article) my encounters have been nothing but a drunken peck by the boys on the football team, or even worse, girls.
But saying that, would I pass on a threesome with a girl involved? I have heard a guy I met for fun a few times last term has now moved onto women. Should I approach him and ask to join in on the festivities? Maybe there would be the problem of getting ‘it’ up for a lady, but I’ve always thought a good blowjob, regardless of whom from, can get anyone in the mood.
I understand for some people, the urge for sex is minute or non-existent, but for me I feel it is in my nature. I think if you’re a virgin, in some ways that lessens the urge for sex, but like my vet told me when I got my dog neutered “Is it right to let him breed once, and then live a life of never being able to do it again after knowing what it’s like, or to save him the pain and lessening the urge?” - he was neutered promptly. Although saying that, even when lacking testicles he continues to hump my leg at any given opportunity, accordingly my theory is probably flawed and everyone is just as horny as each other.
A good friend of mine said promiscuity is nothing but a dehumanising experience, which lessens the meaning of sex. For me though, it’s extremely important to make a distinction between the act of ‘sex’ and ‘making love’. Sex is cardinal, human and necessary. Without it, men would ruin their bed sheets constantly, and have nothing on the brain but relieving themselves. Making love is a much more intimate and special entity, which sounds awfully soppy but it’s true. And knowing what it feels like to make love, I know it isn’t just sex. I think you can in fact dehumanise the act of sex for your own personal gains, consequently it becomes an animal activity and a form of desired relief. This can also make the act of making love continually special when you do reach that stage with a partner. So don’t get me wrong, I’m open to anything, even including something serious such as a relationship, but until I meet that exceptional person, no-strings fun will keep me satisfied.
If my religious parents knew I was writing this, I think they would instinctively be upset. But to recognize I was safe, and regularly get checked should be of some reassurance to them. I think the taboo that some York students I have met put on others who have more sex than them is unnecessary. People’s sex habits differ, and even if you don’t agree with how they act, you should support them in their own personal safety. In York we are also very lucky to have great YUSU and college welfare systems, with ‘condom corner’ being of great use to many students. However, as I write this I am nothing if not totally and utterly sexually frustrated, and subsequently condom corner really isn’t that useful to me at all! So if any men, women, couples or gender non-specific folk are looking for fun, experimentation or exploration, I’m literally open to anything
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