Sorry, it’s a ‘Deal Breaker’

Okay, ‘deal breakers’ are traits, attributes or habits someone has which immediately make you realize that they aren’t right for you. It’s the clinch factor - an uncompromising catch someone has that you cannot overlook and would make you dump them or even prevent you dating them in the first place. Everyone seems to have ‘deal breakers', whether they want to admit it or not...

I began to really consider the idea of ‘deal breakers’ when a friend of mine semi-joked that their girlfriend nearly dumped them when they discovered that they had voted conservative. I had never really considered political differences as a personal deal breaker; however it made me consider what my own ‘deal breakers’ actually were. Whilst researching this article I discovered some fairly odd and really specific ‘deal breakers’ some people have, such as: someone rejecting a potential partner because they have bad breath, ugly feet, and even refusing to date someone because they ate tuna. Surely some of these ‘deal breakers’ are just mundane excuses not to be in a relationship with someone rather than a general set of rules. I know it is bad to think that you can change someone but surely a compromise can be reached on such small differences.

There is no definitive list of ‘deal breakers’; they change from case to case and each depends on the circumstances. You learn your ‘deal breakers’ as you go along, when in a relationship you discover traits in people which you consider intolerable and can avoid dating someone similar in future. Surely it is better to know your ‘deal breakers’ so that you can lay them on the table before embarking on a new relationship. At least then you won’t realize months or even years down the line of a relationship that they have attributes you simply can’t tolerate.

My ultimate ‘deal breakers’ have been devised into this top 5 list:

5: Laziness: someone who never does any work and has no motivation. I have no time for layabouts.

4: Unattractive people: we all like to think looks are not important, but they are. Obviously avoid a relationship based purely on looks alone, but personally attraction in a partner is important.

3: Liars: anyone who lies compulsively or about things that really matter. Let’s not pretend, we all tell the occasional white lie, but there some things you can’t forgive someone for lying about.

2: Anyone who hates your friends and family: this is a dodgy area but personally, friends and family are the most important people in my life. If they don’t respect them then it’s a no deal.

1: Cheaters: once a cheater, always a cheater. Cheating is a betrayal of trust in a relationship and shows a lack of respect. It may have only happened one time- but that is one time too many.

I definitely have more I could have added to this list...this is maybe why I am still single. Picking out flaws in people before a relationship has even started I’ll admit is a bit stifling; but maybe it is a positive exercise if it weeds out the wrong potential partners?

I will admit that noone is perfect and you have to make compromises when in a relationship. Trust and forgiveness are crucial factors and sometimes, in the words of Cheryl Cole, you have to “fight for this love”. And yes, I did just reference Cheryl Cole. Just make sure you are clear where your limits are and how far you are willing to compromise because there is nothing worse than fighting for a dying relationship.

So, think about it, what are your ‘deal breakers’?

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